Watch out Boston . . . The Runner's Runs is Coming to Town

What happens when you combine the Boston Marathon and The Runner's Runs?

You'll find out in about 48 hours.

it may not be pretty folks . . .

Thoughts After the Run

As I had predicted, I could not keep up with the running group this morning. Thinking that I had a stomach ailment, one of my running buddies asked me a very thought provoking question after my slow run. "What's wrong with you, Vanessa?"

My answer to this question was, "Nothing!" but on my way home, I started to delve into other possible ways I could have answered her question.

"Hmm . . . What's wrong with me? Well, I have a deformity called Pectus excavatum, I have really ugly feet, my arms are as hairy as a Sasquatch, my eyebrows also fit into the Sasquatch category, my body shape is all wrong for clothes worn by modern man, my bowels are a disaster, I laugh like a clown from a mental institution, I am an ugly crier, I don't wash my hair on a regular basis, I always overeat and regret it later, I apologize too often, I have a phobia of people hearing me use the restroom so I often turn on the hair dryer or the shower while I am sitting on the potty, I don't know how to say, "No!", meat with bones grosses me out, the smell of fish makes me gag, and finally, "I don't know how to pronounce words like, "Gag, fag, and tag" correctly, and last but not least, I cannot keep up with other runners, no matter how hard I try!"

As you can see, running really helps me out with my self-esteem!

Thoughts Before the Run

I'm a bit nervous about my run today.

Problem #1Yesterday I went on a feeding frenzy. Einstein bagel sandwich, Arby's Roast Beef with curly fries, more bagels with cream cheese, chocolate cake . . . I'm either 1) about to start my period, 2) pregnant, or 3) a compulsive eater. I'm almost 100% positive it is number 3! There is no way all that food is going to sit well throughout the 16 miles today.
Solution:Pray for some miracle porta-potties.

Problem #2The weather forecast is a bit foreboding. 99% chance of precipitation and windy!
Solution: Wear 2 pairs of gloves, keep my head down, and pretend to be tough.

Problem #3My butt hurts. My hamstrings hurt. My ankles hurt. I think I'm going to need all those body parts for the run, and they aren't working.
Solution: 2 Tylenol.

Problem #4I can't run as fast as any of the people I am running with today. I will probably get lost.
Solution: Take my cell phone and call Aaron for a ride home.

How Did I Do That?!

I think I may have done something that no one in the world has ever done before -- pulled a butt muscle! Another thing to add to my ever-growing list of physical ailments. Looks like I won't be able to do any laundry today:(

Runner's Mouth

When I am on a long run, I lose all sense of appropriate social behavior. I talk about topics considered taboo in real life. I somehow deplete so much fuel that it starts to affect my brain, as well as my body. Running is almost like truth serum --you just say it like it is!

Last Saturday the topic of mammograms surfaced at about Mile #8. I was already feeling drained -- physically and mentally. I started laughing hysterically about the thoughts of my first mammogram and then said something like, "Oh, yeah. I'll go in for my mammogram and the doctor will say, 'Umm, sorry ma'am, we don't have anything set up for the likes of you. There is no way to get those things into our machine! Sorry!"

I mean REALLY! Who says stuff like that? Especially when all the runners aren't female. I just hope no one ever brings up the topic of "hemorroids." Who knows what I'd say about that one!!

Worst Run of My Life

So -- I got on the treadmill today, and nothing happened. The treadmill wasn't broken -- I was!

A Cold October Morning

This morning I woke up at 5 a.m., saw that it was 42 degrees outside and had to make a tough decision. Should I:

A. Go for a morning run and freeze my tail off.
B. Rob a bank, run like the wind, and freeze my tail off
or . . .
C. Take a picture of myself and go back to my nice warm bed.

I chose . . . Choice letter "A"



After about 3 minutes, my blood started pumping and I actually felt overheated in my winter gear. At mile #7, we stopped for a minute to rest. I, of course, decided at that point that I needed to find a potty spot. I looked around frantically for a bush to hide behind. It was at that moment that I saw THE SIGN. I had no idea that the city found out about my potty problems and frequent stops along the road. I'm going to have to change my running route ASAP so that none of you will turn me in for the $200 reward.